The importance of listening

Listening isn’t just about hearing what the other person is saying, it’s about understanding and interpreting their words accurately, so you can if needed, represent them in a written or spoken piece.

Listening skills are a vital part of good communication. If you have good communication skills, you can start to improve relationships in the workplace as well as in society. Also, you will be able to make decisions more effectively and reach a quicker agreement with others. The person who is speaking will feel appreciated and understood. 

My top seven reasons why listening skills are essential:

  • Reduces misunderstandings – poor communication comes from poor listening. 
  • Builds empathy – being aware of facial expressions, or body positions, can give you a deeper understanding. Do they trust you; do they feel heard – are they in a hurry for example. How can you show your empathy?
  • Poor listening can limit judgement – give your full attention and you will avoid those sticky situations where you might for example misinterpret.
  • It increases your productivity – hearing right, understanding correctly and you can deliver the right words first time around.
  • It makes you a better leader or mentor. You become trusted. 
  • Good feedback – you can only do this well if you are listening, the speaker will feel that you are understanding and actively listening, by giving those verbal and non-verbal cues. Write down what they are saying, don’t be afraid to clarify.
  • It helps build relationships – both business and personal. We all remember that person who listened, understood and did a great job. 

Lastly, I’d like to tell you my story about listening, it was about eight or so years ago, when I was having an ultrasound to locate a tumour in my breast, I had stage 3 cancer. It was in the first few weeks following diagnosis and it was as you can imagine, a stressful and emotionally charged time. The radiologist that day was one of the finest listeners I’ve ever met, he was Persian, and I’ll come to this more in a second. He not only heard what I was saying, but he also saw me, and in a few moments, having asked about and understood my passion for geography and world cultures, he was able to communicate to and interpret my fears. He did this by telling me something that cleverly weaved my articulated pain, emotions and also my interests, but skilfully added something of himself, to reach what he had seen in my face; he told me the following – that the word algebra is from the Arabic word, al-jabr, meaning ‘the reunion of broken parts’. In that moment, I knew he had entirely listened.

So, when you listen to someone’s story, look at them and hear more than just their words, hear and feel what is behind their needs and passions. Only then can you bring them to life. 

Contact me at: writeupmystreet@btinternet.com

Where do we start?

The beginning is the most important part of the work.” – Plato

I’ve recently had a new start, of sorts that is. My mother’s side of the family are by and large Maltese, with a bit of Italian, Portuguese and we think North African thrown in somewhere back in the ancestral brew.

My mother died several years ago now, and although she was born in Gibraltar she had a strong connection to her parental line and family in a little village called Zejtun. Her father had smuggled himself on board a ship as a young man to Gibraltar, in search of a better or new life. He was sort of adopted by a Maltese family, they took him under their wing as it were, as a fellow Maltese. He fell in love with one of their daughters, my grandmother and the lady who gave me part of my name.

My mothers’ side of the family.
My grandmother, is back row on the right in front of the tree

Family is also important to me, I have three brothers and a long list of nieces, nephews and a godson. But making that link back to Malta is a thread I began a couple of years ago. I’ve spent hours on-line and scouring microfiched documents of time-faded, priests writing in scribbled ledgers, dating back over 100 years. I needed to find and secure three generations of family certificates to begin my part of this story. Over the course of several months I managed to get all the information and documents I needed. There were some sad stories in there; my great, great grandfather Salvatore, died at Gallipoli, before his daughter my great grandmother was born. The ravages of war never getting any easier. But by way of balance, a funnier tale was that my grandfather was a coal heaver, he carried hefty sacks of coal daily onto the steam ships in Gibraltar dockyard. Years later he was permanently bow-legged from the weight and duration of his job. But back to the here and now, when his marriage certificate came back, a hasty admin clerk had clearly misread his employment and he was down as a goal keeper. Which given the state of his legs, never mind the lack of a football ground in Gibraltar in the early 1900’s made this ironically, very funny. He was a particularly colourful character throughout his life and he would have laughed his head off at this typo.

Coal Heavers in the Gibraltar Dockyard
(Gibraltar History Archives)

But onwards to why I am telling you this story, I wanted to make that connection to my roots, our past weaves it’s way through into who we are today. From the stellar Maltese family eyebrows to an arm full of aunts who hugged you and pinched your cheeks and an uncle who had the most amazing handlebar moustache and would drive me around southern Spain in his taxi, singing while we played his Maria Callas cassettes over and over.

Last year I finally gained my Maltese Citizenship, the next step towards my passport was to go and register my birth in Malta. I made a quick trip over last week, to do just that. Sat in the waiting room with my ticker-tape number in the queue and in scenes not un-reminiscent of the Netherworld waiting room in Beetle Juice, I sat and waited with a folder with my apostille certificates.

Beetlejuice Netherworld Waiting Room

I’ve only ever met one other person with the same name as me, and technically he was a Mario Angel, but the lady who saw me at the registration desk was also a Marie Angela. Then she told me, my birth date was the same as her brothers, and we began chatting like old friends. That’s the Maltese for you, we all make each other feel like family.

Haberdashery in Valetta,
my aunts used to spend hours making lace.

So my point is, there is always a day and a time to start over again, in some way or another. Not just to know who you are and where you are from, which is one thing, but to have that certainty that as Plato once said, ‘the beginning is the most important part of the work‘, and I’ve just had a new one.

As they say in Malta, ‘għandi pjaċir’

(nice to meet you)

Contact me at: writeupmystreet@btinternet.com

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