Five Card Trick

Years ago, I used to play Pontoon with my father, he was an avid card game player, and while Bridge left me napping on the sofa with boredom (never got past the snooze-worthy basics), I loved playing this particular game with him. The 5 Card Trick is a special aspect of Pontoon that adds to the challenge. Understanding this can help you develop your game. To achieve a 5 Card Trick, you must collect five cards without exceeding a total value of 21, which requires a delicate balance and careful decision-making, and a lot of sniggering at our particular card table. 

If you manage to gather five cards under or equal to 21, it counts as a 5 Card Trick. This hand is highly valued and often stands out compared to other hands with a total of 21. Each time you decide to twist, you’re working towards forming this distinctive hand.

Now my papa was, unlike me, little Miss Dyscalculia here, a steely mathematician and somehow, to his dismay he had not only produced someone who was shit at maths, but also horrific at science (he was an industrial pharmacist who studied at Imperial in London). But he didn’t just have a clever mind, he snuck in the sneaky parental trick of helping me a bit with my number ineptness, while dealing on top of that the family tradition of being ultra-competitive. In all he had cleverly found a game that he and I could really enjoy together. The keeping the tally bit for me, played into my will to win, as well as track over time, who won last time, it was like another edge to the game, having those rolling score cards and league tables. It was a smashing way of giving me some number confidence back, as well as spending time with one of my favourite people on the planet. 

When my father died, and we were sitting down deciding who had what from the house. I asked for the antique card table, it’s one of those ones that swivels around and opens up with a lovely green baize circle inside. But when I eventually got it home, the absolute gem in my hand was one of our old score cards, still tucked inside the table drawer with a wedge of old wax crayon we’d used to mark the cards. It was like holding my very own King of Hearts.

But more recently, I have just binge watched my way through Sneaky Pete on Netflix. No spoilers but it’s about a confidence trickster, and this got me thinking about not just those sly types that slide into your life over the years, but particularly how money and control, amongst other abhorrence’s makes some people turn into absolute wankers, of this there is no denying. 

I’ve met a few tricky sods in my time, but sometimes I’ve trusted my belief in humanity rather than my gut instinct, and you know that’s okay too, it’s their badness, their trickery not yours or mine. I’ll let you into a secret, you can worry yourself about what’s been, the trick dear reader, is to decide how it’s going to be.  At the end of the Sneaky Pete series and without giving it all away, we see him realise a lot of things and that in one way or another is a learning for him. By repeating his tricks over and over and by teaching others he sees the value in… well, you will need to watch it to find out exactly what. But it deals back to my experience with my father, that practice is in itself a learning trick, while achieving self-belief is another altogether.

But what about the tricks your body or mind can play on itself. Fairly recent social media has been covering the so-called rapture, most of which was absolutely hilarious. But some people actually fall for this nonsense, and I’m not talking about your faith but the really mind-bending bollocks that this was.

Religion has a real and defining place in many people’s lives, not least of all mine. I’d go so far as to say, that particular faith aside, being brought up with a belief taught me to be a better, kinder and more honest person. Most people I know will tell you; I find it impossible to lie, and that’s not some religious guilt, it’s just an honest to goodness default setting to be truthful. And that for me is a good trick to have up your sleeve, and no I’m not going to say ‘the truth shall set you free’, but a lie, in my book takes away the person you are fibbing to, their own right to choose based on the truth. If you tell someone you are well, when you are actually sick, for instance, it takes away their ability to care or to help.  

I’ve rambled off track here a bit, as usual… but what I wanted to say, that finding your trick, that ace up your sleeve, be that a post-it note stuck to your forehead, or a rhyme that helps you remember; – that version of your own card trick, which can be as mind bending as a mathematicians puzzle or finding your own equivalent of that old Pontoon scorecard, to remind you, that like me, you can at least now add up to 21. There’s no gambling with those odds, but your chances are always good if you play life with truth and love at the centre of your deck. 

How do I do it, what’s my trick with for instance my recent country-moving decision. Yes, I get scared sometimes, like for instance, have I done the maths correctly (eeek) have I got enough in the tin to live off until I shuffle off this earth? Fear is just that, it’s a mind trick – it’s a feeling rather than a reality, the reality is I’ve got this far on my own, and now moved to another country. So, excuse me if I dust off the superwoman pants even for a moment. 

Tricks aren’t just for the brave or the calculating miscreants, we all have them up our sleeves for when we need them. Call it self-belief if you want to. 

P.S My papa was one for some hilarious top tips, he once told me while helping with the Sunday lunch, that the best trick to get clean finger nails was to make a crumble. And that is exactly the person I got my sense of humour from, …well, I did warn you. 


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Famous Last Words

As a creative copy writer, my thoughts always veer towards the opening line – the how you engage, hook, and interest your reader and audience. But recently and for the worst kind of reasons, I’ve started thinking about those last words, their impact, their outpouring of emotions or are they stifled and trapped inside, taken with us and leaving a space of doubt, hope and a helpless void for the one left behind. In whatever form that takes. 

How do we want to end what we say – be it that last sentence in a blog, book, press release, words to our family as we leave in the morning, or those actual very ‘last words.’

A friend of mine is struggling to breathe, cancer is consuming her, and she is giving it her everything to stay here and live. Keeping on talking to our little group of friends in our WhatsApp group. She’s written letters to leave behind and a book of instructions for her funeral. She’s prepared in all the ways she can, apart from the sadness of knowing it is hurtling towards her and what to say, what can you say? But say you must. 

Over the years I have become a firm believer in telling people that you love them, showing them that you care – they are in your thoughts. You don’t always get that other chance to say or show it, when that moment, that breath of tangible air sits between you and the other to speak your truth. And that is how my friend is living, what I hope will be more than her last days, but I’ve told her – in the middle of the night when I know she is awake, IV stuck in her vein; on a card, on a call – I’ve shared how I feel about her. 

When you are writing, recording, filling in those blanks in your email or whatever, think about what you are saying, and not just how it starts, but how it finishes. What will you leave in that space at the end, what do you want to say that counts. 

Then write it down and say it. 

For Jenn.

All our love and all our pain
Will be but a tune
The Sun and the Moon
The wind and the rain
Hand in hand we’ll do and die
Listening to the band that made us cry
We’ll have nothing to lose
We’ll have nothing to gain
Just to stay this real-life situation 
For one last refrain.

Songwriters: Nicky Holland / Roland Orzabal (from Famous Last Words)

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Say it right

Apologies for the lack of posts over the last month or so, I got Covid for the first time. Made it all through lockdown and then boom…Happy New Year. Then right after that kidney stones. Well so far 2024, has been a proper laugh. 

But today, I don’t want to talk about me, I want to talk about communication. Not just those verbal things we utter, but also how we say things, how we express ourselves, how we write, and how do we put those words into non-verbal communication. 

And yes, as always for me there is a song to accompany my thoughts on this;

And by say it all, I’m talking about those times when we assume that the other person knows what we are saying, so we leave out huge chunks. Sometimes this is true – they can read our minds, knowing us all too well – but when it isn’t so, and they really do not know what your all is. You may not get that second chance, to say how you feel, if it’s important enough to you to your brand or whatever, then speak your truth. 

Saying it right is equally as important as the words themselves, do you need to choose a time when it is quiet – just the two of you, or do you need a meeting room and some preparation to ensure everyone engages with you? If you would love that person or people to remember your words, to read what you have said and know it, then preparation can sometimes be as important as grabbing that moment as impulsively as any runaway emotions. But ultimately when Nelly said, ‘say it right’ she was not wrong.

Imagine if a friend comes round to see you, you’ve been really looking forward to catching up, maybe you’ve cooked dinner and tidied the house. But when they turn up, they don’t even greet you or acknowledge you, rather they just blurt out why they have had such a godawful journey and just talk about themselves for the next 20 minutes. Not even a hello how are you. Okay, worst case scenario here, you give them dinner to take out and wave them off on what you will probably now hope will be an equally bad journey back. Or do you explain how you feel – remember, communication is a very big two-way thingmajig?

Conversation, words and visual communication all form the building blocks, the crucial foundations of what we want to say. Leave a bit out and suddenly you have a gap, a chance for missing the point, omitting what matters to you, what might be most important and valuable to the other person. A raised eyebrow or a wry smile can say everything we need to, when that person knows you. That expression can catch them and bring you together in understanding what the other has to say. 

These two photos were taken moments apart, but look at the difference in those two moments and the expressions and the communication that took place when they faced each other and made that moment matter.

Communicating can be as eloquent as letting people know that they look great, that you have made their day or that their shoelaces are undone – are all part and parcel of what makes us human. What makes us want to look and listen and understand. Have you ever had a stranger just tell you, that they love your outfit or that your kindness made them smile and feel seen? Communicating our feelings and our wishes is as much a part of being in the human race as it is important to our minds and our understanding. 

With the advent of social media now totally entrenched into our lives, it can become more complex still – what font are you using, what colours, is your text in Comic Sans, centred and looking like a church hall tea party invite, or were you after something more captivating?  You have a short time frame to grab their attention, but also if you want someone to know that your product is 100% vegan, or that you are only open on Mondays from 2pm – 4pm, then you need to say so. 

And before you hit send, check your punctuation…. 

As usual, I will finish with another eloquent song lyric.

… I’m just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don’t let me be misunderstood.

Contact me at: writeupmystreet@btinternet.com 

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Sing it Back

And I think somebody somewhere must be tolling a bell
And the last thing I see is my heart,
Still beating still beating
Still beating still beating
Breaking out of my body, and flying away

Like a bat out of hell

By J. Steinman

Contact me at: writeupmystreet@btinternet.com 

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The importance of listening

Listening isn’t just about hearing what the other person is saying, it’s about understanding and interpreting their words accurately, so you can if needed, represent them in a written or spoken piece.

Listening skills are a vital part of good communication. If you have good communication skills, you can start to improve relationships in the workplace as well as in society. Also, you will be able to make decisions more effectively and reach a quicker agreement with others. The person who is speaking will feel appreciated and understood. 

My top seven reasons why listening skills are essential:

  • Reduces misunderstandings – poor communication comes from poor listening. 
  • Builds empathy – being aware of facial expressions, or body positions, can give you a deeper understanding. Do they trust you; do they feel heard – are they in a hurry for example. How can you show your empathy?
  • Poor listening can limit judgement – give your full attention and you will avoid those sticky situations where you might for example misinterpret.
  • It increases your productivity – hearing right, understanding correctly and you can deliver the right words first time around.
  • It makes you a better leader or mentor. You become trusted. 
  • Good feedback – you can only do this well if you are listening, the speaker will feel that you are understanding and actively listening, by giving those verbal and non-verbal cues. Write down what they are saying, don’t be afraid to clarify.
  • It helps build relationships – both business and personal. We all remember that person who listened, understood and did a great job. 

Lastly, I’d like to tell you my story about listening, it was about eight or so years ago, when I was having an ultrasound to locate a tumour in my breast, I had stage 3 cancer. It was in the first few weeks following diagnosis and it was as you can imagine, a stressful and emotionally charged time. The radiologist that day was one of the finest listeners I’ve ever met, he was Persian, and I’ll come to this more in a second. He not only heard what I was saying, but he also saw me, and in a few moments, having asked about and understood my passion for geography and world cultures, he was able to communicate to and interpret my fears. He did this by telling me something that cleverly weaved my articulated pain, emotions and also my interests, but skilfully added something of himself, to reach what he had seen in my face; he told me the following – that the word algebra is from the Arabic word, al-jabr, meaning ‘the reunion of broken parts’. In that moment, I knew he had entirely listened.

So, when you listen to someone’s story, look at them and hear more than just their words, hear and feel what is behind their needs and passions. Only then can you bring them to life. 

Contact me at: writeupmystreet@btinternet.com

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